i permit you to call me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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