You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Of course I have a pirate flag
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
