i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
