I am puke
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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