He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
