On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
