You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
