The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
