The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
