Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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