could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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