Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
