So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
