I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
