Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
