we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
