I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
