i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
