When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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