meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
