remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
