I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
