i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
