He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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