I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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