I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
