my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
