I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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