i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
