There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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