please come you make the beer taste better
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
