I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
