i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
