Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
