I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
