I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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