Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You ate ashes out of my bong
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
