yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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