When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Holy sore nipples Batman
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
