Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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