dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
