Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
