my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everything about him screamed your future.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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