Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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