I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
