At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
