After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
