Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
