We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
