You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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