I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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