Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
