we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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